Close To Whining
by SlvrSoleAlchmst1
Summary: Light and L have agreed that Misa is distracting; they will need to tone her down to concentrate on the Kira Investigation. Light has a plan to keep Misa more calm, but L does not agree with it. L has boundaries - and he really does not like threesomes.


**Author Note** _: Found this buried on my hard drive from back in 2008. (Holy, holy, holy mothers. Right? SO WEIRD, TO FIND OLD WRITING.) I polished it enough to post it, but surprisingly, it didn't need much polishing. I think it hails from an era when I was a better writer than I am at present._

 _Keep your eyes out for the second chapter. That was buried too, but needs a lot more added to it._

* * *

L counted the links on the chain that stretched between his wrist and Light Yagami's. He did it to avoid the heat of Light's stare.

"You know I'm right, Ryuuzaki. Answer."

Sixty-three links, L determined. He multiplied the sum by pi, then counted the links backwards, just for fun.

" _Ryuuzaki._ "

L halted his counting. Insistence had made its sharp way from Light's stare into his growl of L's name.

L couldn't very well block his ears with his hands. That would be childish. "Light-kun. The answer is you're not correct." He would have preferred to ignore Light completely, but failing to respond to Light's current challenge was no more an option than duct taping Light's mouth shut. Light would find a different way to press him. L looked away from their handcuffs. "That sort of method will not work on Amane. Sexual submission is _not the same_ as submission in most other forms of the word—"

"But it's _similar,_ " Light interrupted.

L resisted the urge to make the chains between them rattle, just to force Light to wince and rub his temples.

They sat reclining in the bedroom they were sharing, each on quite opposite sides of the sofa. Watari had bowed his way out a half-hour before, after turning down their covers for the night. Light looked no more pleased at this hour than he usually did, but L would have greatly liked to unwind – either on or off the twin-sized bed that had helped replace his queen for while Light had agreed to be cuffed to him. A hot cup of before-bed tea sat waiting on the teacart Watari had left them. Ten lumps of sugar glittered gloriously from a bowl. A chocolate wrapped in gold foil hid underneath his pillow, too; L didn't have to look to know Watari had not forgotten to leave it.

However…. Even if by some odd chance L hadn't wanted refreshment tonight, or to relax, he would have resented the fact that Watari had set the scones on the _end_ table, near Light.

Light saw L looking at the scones and smirked.

L wished Light would go to Hell. No, that wasn't true, L decided instants later. A mere _hour_ in Hell would be enough, for someone of Light's caliber. The boredom there would maim him within minutes… and L couldn't very well send Light to Hell permanently, before proving Light was Kira.

L looked again at both twin beds. He tucked his legs up, forgetting the scones.

He had spent three straight days monitoring their case, with nerves that had been run ragged by an equally sleepless and irritable young detective…. Why then, tonight, was Light so damn persistent? Perhaps Kira felt he'd been boxed in a corner.

"Have a scone, Light-kun, rather than watching me as I ignore them, and then perhaps your mouth will become occupied enough to stop smirking."

Light held the chain too taut so that L couldn't reach the teacart, when L moved that direction instead of toward the scones near Light's elbow. "Don't tell me the greatest detective in the world is more interested in sweets than in a logical approach to our problem."

L removed the thumb he had been keeping in his mouth. "On the contrary," he said, jerking the chain until Light had to lean, so L could reach his teacup after all, "I _am_ more interested in indulging. Sugar helps my mind work – and it seems I will need to occupy myself with thought instead of rest, so that I can decide how to convince you that your theories on the sadomasochistic control of Amane Misa—"

"There's no _sadomasochism_ involved. My idea would improve our work by shifting our relationships." Light took up the slack from their handcuffs again, and held it tighter. "Say it, L. My plan is perfect."

L breathed a sigh of irritation. Now he could not reach the sugar.

"And if you think sarcasm will deter this conversation, you're mistaken." The tone of Light's voice remained perfectly level, but the chain of the handcuffs vibrated just slightly. "I'm tired of distractions. And you're drooling on the tea set."

L's aggravation heightened. He gazed longingly at the chubby china creamer beside the sugar bowl on the teacart. He could not extend his arm to touch it, much less drool on it the way Light had suggested.

"We've been working ourselves to the bone lately," Light said. The lethargy in his tone came out like molasses. Light yawned, just then. The chain went slack.

L did not waste the opportunity. When he returned to his spot on the couch, he peered at Light through the steam above his teacup. "You expected a less demanding workload?"

"Of course not. Don't be stupid," Light retorted, but the threat of hostility receded moments later. "I know that catching Kira will take everything we have. That said, we really could be more efficient." Light picked that moment to hand L a scone. "I'm worried about you, too, you know. We both know Misa does nothing but hinder this."

"I am not so greatly hindered. And you are the one that's encouraging her." L held the scone in his thumb and forefinger. He wished that Light would take off his shoes and tie, so that when they were finished eating, they could simply go to bed.

"I haven't been encouraging her," Light said. "Not while I'm on this case. She concluded herself that she's good for my morale."

"She is your girlfriend, Yagami-kun."

Light tilted his head back and closed his eyes. His hair looked very gold against the fabric of the couch. "You're refusing to see my point. Don't get formal. You'll irritate me more, and then I'll really want to hit you."

"You would hit me regardless, Light."

Light looked up, at the sound of his first name without a '-kun' tacked to it. L scooted farther to the opposite side of the couch, just in case – while he nibbled his scone.

His tea needed more sugar, too. Did L want the brown sugar, or the white? Perhaps three or four more cubes of each? The brown would dissolve at a pace thirty-two percent slower than the white sugar's break-down rate, so if he wanted to get to sleep sooner—

"L, come _on_ …."

That, L thought to himself, hiding a grin, had been very, very close to whining.

The white sugar, he decided, ignoring Light's weariness and irritation. Even attractive geniuses needed to learn patience in the face of bedtime relaxation.

"I understand your point completely," L said, only after he had dropped more cubes into his teacup – from a height that made the liquid tremor. "Amane Misa does not trust me, because I have named her as the Second Kira, and because I have chained myself to you with the intention of proving you guilty of murder also. By constantly harassing us in the work place, she believes that she is easing your burden with her presence… and thwarting my attempts at what she sees as faulty justice." He stirred his tea in a clockwise direction, feeling the sofa shift as Light got up at last to loosen his collar. "What she does not realize is that all she does is prolong our investigations. Additionally, because _you_ know that at the heart of her actions is her desire for your attention, it makes sense that you'd want to reconcile her with the idea that you and I must do this. At any cost. So we are in agreement. Her attitude must shift, if we expect to be efficient."

"Right. So you and I can do this."

"No. Because I do _not_ agree that winning her over must involve us in a threesome." L sipped his tea. "It would not work. Period."

Light unbuttoned the top of his shirt, letting his tie hang loose against his chest. L thought him surprisingly calm, considering that Kira hated words that couldn't be fought with – like _No._

"Intimacy is one of the only languages women understand, L. We should use it."

"The day you convince me you know about women is when I will declare you _not Kira_ , Light-kun."

At that, Light went as rigid as L's favorite book of laws; he fixed L with a look so divinely violent that L also paused in the steam of his teacup.

"Good," Light said sharply, a moment after the look had passed, his eyes wide as dumplings, his voice a bit shriller. "I don't understand women." He finished attacking his shirt buttons roughly. "I can only fathom men. Of course. That seems to help my angle. _Thank you_ —" Light slapped his tie onto the ground, and let his shirt sleeve tangle in the handcuffs. "—for helping me further temper my strategy. Misa will believe that I like you, _a lot_ , and then she'll trust you, and we can get work done. Misa likes what I like, you see, Ryuuzaki, even if it means she can't have me, _because I'm slowly turning_ _gay_. So you and I can make our work time _better_." Light's tone went from shrill to dark, and dangerously sing-songing.

Perhaps L's taunt had been a little too incendiary. Well then.

" 'Better' is extremely relative." L kept his words completely toneless. He refrained from telling Light that faking intimacy wouldn't make their interactions smoother.

"You are," Light said, yanking off his belt next, and so loudly that it snapped, "completely incapable of teamwork. Unless you have a better idea, why can't it be my turn to control something?"

"Control means that much to you?"

"In this instance? _Yes_ – even if it's like Kira."

"An emotional reaction to this matter seems uncalled for, Light. You are over-reacting. I would like to know why, please. Immediately."

"What? _Because!_ This doesn't involve only me! We're talking about my girlfriend, here."

"I see." L brushed away a crumb. "You're now at eighty-four percent."

Silence. Then Light's hands flew up. "I can't work like this, L," he said. "How does caring – about either of you, or the Kira investigation – only make me more suspicious?"

L studied Light, while his scone hung in mid-air. L was forced to admit, if Light's display was artifice… Light's acting could have fooled even Roger's trained skepticism. L felt a pang, recalling Wammy's House. He changed his train of thought.

Yes. Even Weddie might be conned by Light's strained, passionate emotion.

"You suspect me, but won't let me ease my burden, even though I'm trying so hard to help you—"

"You have convinced yourself, Light-kun," L said, letting his tea sit alone to turn cold, "that you can take advantage of Amane's loving and intrepid personality and use it to subdue her, by illustrating to her that the three of us have the potential to be close in ways she never could have dreamed… but have you considered that she might not want that?" L put his scone to rest atop his saucer. " _I_ am of the opinion that the fantasy is solely yours."

Light's features contorted. He said, "Ryuuzaki." He turned his back. L waited. " _Call her_."

"I will not," L said. Their handcuffs jangled. "If you are so eager to practice psychological manipulation while making a fool of yourself, do it elsewhere. I would like to go to bed." L moved the chain out of his way and stood. "Be so kind as to move toward my toothbrush."

Miraculously, Light did so. L watched the young detective's shoulders slump.

When they reached the bathroom door, Light stood aside to let L enter first. "You don't trust my judgment. And you never will," Light said as L slipped by.

"You do not care what I think of you."

"Don't I?" It made L turn back. L looked in Light's hazel eyes and almost felt regret, as he made note of what appeared to be real conflict swimming there. "That hurts, L," Light looked aside and whispered.

Did Light mean to suggest that what L thought _mattered_ to him? Nonsense. That would imply that L held Light's respect – that some small part of Light looked up to L, and needed L's approval, for a sense of validation.

"Ours is not a normal friendship, Light-kun. I have the right to acknowledge that; I am not trying to hurt you. I simply meant to show that I believe us capable of staying close despite that you disregard my disapproval and I will not indulge you – unlike how it often works in friendships. I am fine with our approach, and do not fault you for your side of it. Therefore, please stop pretending you would defer to me now, in your attempts to manipulate me using feelings." L proceeded to the sink. "My 'no' means no." He ran the water. "Here's your toothbrush."

Light stood still. "I want to kill you."

"And your toothpaste also, Kira."

L began brushing his teeth, assessing the holes of his eyes in the mirror. Sleep wasted time, and yet it was essential…. If Light kept them from it, did he really expect they'd make progress?

" _L._ " Light's voice was desperate now.

L rolled his eyes toward the ceiling. "You could not _handle_ your plan, Light-kun." He spit into the sink. Light looked disgusted. "In your haste, have you realized the whole of what this scheme needs to entail to be convincing?"

Light puffed a breath of air out through his nose. "I know what I suggested, and I'm not afraid to do it." The silence after Light's statement asked, _Are you?_

L finished brushing his teeth. He wiped his mouth on his white towel. He tucked his toothbrush back into the cabinet, then motioned for Light to move in toward the sink. Light took his turn with tight, purposeful motions, pinching his lips shut until L grew uncertain about whether Light could truly put them around his wide toothbrush.

L hunched against the doorjamb, watching. "Light. I will point out an observation. Wanting me to help you seduce Amane into submission suggests that you are not opposed to intimacy with _me_ to achieve it." Light more rigorously scrubbed his molars. "You and I are both aware that you are, in fact, egregiously opposed. You also likely would not want to share your girlfriend with another. Why try it, Light-kun? Why beg me to do this?"

" _Because_ , as much as I love Misa, there are no better plans to tone down her interference. I want to solve this case first and foremost. I told you." Light rinsed his toothbrush. "And this isn't begging."

"If we have to fool Amane, she would not find us convincing if we argued, flinched, or turned too pale while attempting to draw her into our relations."

"It's _acting_ , L. Do you think I can't do it?" Light turned off the water. L put his thumb in his mouth, fascinated. "Besides, you're forgetting that I happen trust you, even if you can't trust me because you think I'm Kira. I'd trust you to make this look convincing, while still maintaining boundaries so I won't have to punch you."

"Even if we could accomplish 'genuine,' Light-kun, I personally am of the opinion that love and attraction should never be faked."

Light wiped his hands. "How romantic."

"Are you prepared to go to sleep yet?"

Light fixed L with a look that L could not interpret. For a moment, had a spark of carnal challenge lit Light's eyes like fatal fires? L did not like being patronized – yet this was not quite that.

L felt uncomfortable.

"I will subdue you by force, Light, if the hour hand hits two a.m. and you have not erased these inclinations."

"Yes, talk dirty to me, L. I think you're getting into character."

L discerned the purpose of Light's fluid step past him too late. The chain on their long handcuffs lengthened, as L chose to dissect the sentiments behind Light's callous innuendo.

Light's finger jabbed the call button that was built into the wall next to L's bedside lamp. "Watari," said Light, his voice like honey, "Wake Misa up and send her to our room."

An exhausted itch began behind L's eyes, but he refrained from rubbing them. He left the bathroom door and elbowed the younger detective aside.

L pressed the call button again himself. "Watari, please cancel that request. We will not disturb Amane at this hour."

"Coward," Light whispered, beside his ear.

L instantly pressed the button again. "I'm sorry, I have changed my mind. I'm finding I do crave an opportunity to grope a renowned supermodel. Please make sure the cameras are set to take zoomed-in photographs of Misa. She will likely be in lingerie."

Light's demeanor didn't falter. "That's it, L," he murmured, so that the microphone would fail to pick it up. "Now you've got the hang of it."

L let his finger lift off the call button.

They stared at each other for a moment L knew he'd remember for the rest of his life. L searched Light's caramel-colored eyes, as if they held the truth behind the world. After a brief analysis, in which L wished his suspect had not been Light Yagami, L pressed the call button, for the third time.

He spoke in a cool monotone. "Watari. I apologize for further interruption."

" _It's not a bother to me, sir._ "

"Please connect me to Amane's line."

There was a word of consent, and a pause. Light's eyes glittered brightly with something like triumph.

"I will be very disappointed, Light," L said, while they waited for Misa's connection, "if I am not able to prove you are Kira. But I will be equally disappointed to lose the only type of friend I find worth having – the kind able to drive me almost better than a rival."

The triumph in Light's eyes went out, as fast as if L had put fans on a candle.

Amane's voice sounded groggy over the intercom system when the call connected.

" _Hmm, what's… why is this thing buzzing…?"_

"Amane-san, this is Ryuuzaki speaking. Please forgive us for calling at this hour."

There was a groan. Then Misa's voice got clearer. " _Ryuuzaki? I was sleeping! Why are you bothering me right now when you bother me enough during the daytime? Are you being a pervert again, trying to see what I'm like while I'm sleeping?!_ "

L cast Light a look that brimmed with his exasperation. "I am sure you're charming when you're sleeping. I have Light here, and we have a request."

" _Light is with you? Even when it's bedtime? Why can't you ever undo those chains and let him spend time away from your stinky self?_ "

"I would hardly consider 'stinky,' to be an accurate description of—"

"Misa, please listen to us," Light said. He shoved L aside to hold the button down himself. "Ryuuzaki and I have been thinking. Do you remember what you said to me, about how much better things would be, if we could all just be friends with each other? Well, you were right, Misa-chan. Both Ryuuzaki and I would like to apologize for our conduct, and prove to you how well the three of us can get along from this point forward. Will you please come up now to our room?"

" _L-Light? I don't… understand. Right now? Ryuuzaki agrees with you?_ "

Light appeared to be trying not to grit his teeth, or perhaps not to rub his forehead. "That's what I said, Misa. Gosh, you sound tired."

"Light will give you a shoulder rub," L exclaimed brightly. "And yes, this all is true. I'd like to apologize, and henceforth begin treating you with camaraderie. And affection. Lots and lots of affection, Amane—I mean, Misa-chan." L did not miss the cringe that twisted Light's mouth as he finished off his statement.

"Misa," Light said urgently, "I want to see you. Ryuuzaki does too. Please come up here, and as soon as you can."

" _Well, all right, but—"_

Light released the button.

"You're very good at influencing her." L watched Light quirk a slim eyebrow and shrug. "But if I did not know better, I'd say you resent flexing your influence on a mind as apparently simple as hers is. It seems that, for some people, there isn't a challenge in leading slow thinkers. How insensitive, don't you agree, for some to dismiss those whose thinking is lesser?"

"Misa's smarter than you think. And doing this will solve our problem."

L pressed a thumb against both lips, carefully reigning in any expression. Behind his black bangs, however, his eyebrows rose into his hairline.

This situation now promised him thrills. Perhaps he really _would_ catch Kira.

L watched, as the next thing Light did was move for his bed, and roll both of his shoulders. "Plus, you know, for what it's worth, I don't think _you're_ the paragon of 'sensitive,' Ryuuzaki."

"You will have to find all of my sensitive spots to convince her that you really like me, I'd wager."

Light blinked, wholly unaffected. He pointed at the dress shirt he had taken off before the bathroom. The shirt dangled between them, off the chain links like a flag. "I'm confident that I can do so. Undo this, and just get ready."

L put his hands inside his pockets, watching Light turn to select pajamas.

"And L?" Light ventured. "Do not kiss me."

L's stomach tightened, in disgust and fascination, as Light pulled off his undershirt. "Light-kun, I wouldn't dream of it."


End file.
